What Dementia Has Taught Me

Working in elder care has changed the way I think about dementia.

Many people see dementia as a disease that takes memories away. While that is certainly true, I have come to believe it is often much more than that.

I have met residents who spend their days looking for a husband who passed away years ago. Others ask for their mother, even though she has been gone for decades. Some worry that they need to open their store, go to work, or get home to take care of their children.

At first, it can be difficult to understand.

But over the years, I have started to see something deeper.

Perhaps they are not simply forgetting the present. Perhaps they are returning to the moments in life that were most meaningful to them.

Many older adults, especially first-generation immigrants, lived lives filled with sacrifice. They worked long hours, built businesses, raised families, and carried responsibilities that most of us can hardly imagine. They spent decades putting the needs of others before their own.

When dementia begins to take away recent memories, it is often those deeply rooted emotions and experiences that remain.

The mother they are calling for may represent safety.

The husband they are searching for may represent love and companionship.

The children they worry about may represent a lifetime of devotion and purpose.

Over time, I have learned that dementia is not only about memory loss. It is also about the enduring emotions that shape who we are.

That is why I try not to focus solely on correcting facts or reminding someone of reality. Instead, I try to understand the feeling behind their words.

Because even when memories fade, love often remains.

So if your parent asks the same question again and again, or speaks about people from long ago, try not to see only the confusion.

You may be witnessing the deepest parts of their heart—memories and emotions that time has never taken away.

Memories may fade, but the love behind them often lasts a lifetime.

— Jun Yoo